Derailed…

When last we met, I was recovering from a fall from a ladder.  A few…developments, yes, we shall call them developments, have taken place since them…

  1. I joined a Direct Sales company.  If anyone had told me a year ago I would be in Direct Sales, I would have laughed at them.  What can I say?  Everything clicked.
  2. I turned 50, with zero fanfare. In fact, I had the flu and was pretty darn miserable.  Every plan I had was cancelled due to the ankle and head situation.  Then I got sick.  I will celebrate next year!
  3. I discovered I was mis-diagnosed, and had a pretty significant concussion.  Significant.  Concussion.  My doc was pretty horrified.
  4. My mother died. It’s ok. She’s in a much better place and is happy and at peace for the first time in years.
  5. I was forced to slow down and reassess my entire life – how I live, what I do,  my daily activities, what is important, what is not – there has been a big shift.

Let’s start with the head injury.  It’s been four months and twenty days.  I still have a lump  and swelling on my head.  I can no longer multi-task.  I am unable to lift anything more than about seven pounds without “feeling it”.  I forget my words from time time to time.  I tired easily.  Headaches are more frequent.  I become extremely anxious when I see anyone on a ladder.  I am now terrified of ladders.  Stressful situation trigger issues.  I have been forced to slow down, as I can not manage well with a lot of physical or mental exertion.  I mean WAY down.  Life is different.  It has shifted.

I am beginning to see small improvements.  They can not happen fast enough for me.  I’m told it could be a year before I’m “normal” again.  Normal.  What is that?  Do I really want to be who I was before the ladder incident?  Hmmmm.  I kind of like new me.

I named my concussion Herman.  I visualize him as one of those green gremlins that got wet and was fed after midnight.  Herman and I are co-existing.  Some days he takes the lead, some days I take the lead.  Some days he’s quite obnoxious.  I work hard to not aggravate Herman.

The ankle is healed and unsteady.  It gets sore easily.  I’ve not walked since I fell because I’ve not been up to the exertion.  I plan to start soon, as I need to do one more thing to move forward.

My mother died after many years of ups and downs with her physical and mental health.  I was unable to fly, and could not go out when it all came down.  While I would have liked to be there to support my brother, Herman saw to it that I kept my feet on the ground.  She is now at peace.

Life is different.  Everything has changed.  I have modified so many things in my life and how I live it, I look back in amazement.  I have a good attitude.  I do NOT let it get me down.  I get frustrated with it sometimes, but I will win in the end. Slow and steady wins the race.

That’s the recap of the last few months.  Taking life one safe step at a time.  Managing Herman.  Embracing the new shifts.  Living each day with intention rather than just living.  Life is a gift.

Lessons learned?

Cats will find their own way down.  Do not climb a ladder to save one.

If you are moving too fast, you will fall down stairs and off of ladders.  Slow down.  Look around.  Smell the roses.

Some people want to live and fight hard to do so.  Some don’t.  You can not force someone to live who no longer wants to.

Direct Sales is actually a pretty good gig.  Don’t believe everything you hear.

Meditation helps calm me and prepare me for what the day has in store.

Not everyone gets a second chance like I did.  I am eternally grateful and don’t want to waste a minute.

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5 responses

  1. So beautifully stated Penny. I’m so sorry you had to experience all this in your life all at once, but you seem to have found your way. Slowing down and smelling the roses is the best way to live, in my opinion. Wishing you all the peace and happiness you deserve! And no more ladder climbing! Xoxoxox

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    1. I am off ladders until I can look at one without hyperventilating! Your friendship has been a definite bright spot throughout. Hugs!!

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  2. I’m sooooo sorry you had to experience all this is such a short period of time. It sounds like you have become a much stronger person because of it. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness as you take time to smell the roses. And please stay away from ladders and kitties I high places!!! Xoxoxoxo

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  3. […] you’re new here, I first introduced Herman in Derailed on May 31. I talked about him again a few times, including in Yearly Doctor Visit on January 27, […]

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  4. […] me. As a child, April often meant an Easter week trip to camp on a beach near Mendocino. Last April my mother passed away. One April, a thousand years ago, I walked out on an abusive relationship. See? […]

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