June. Officially summer. Hot days, warm nights. In Florida, it’s not even the hottest time (we’ll revisit that in August/September!) when we were kids it meant pool time, motor home vacations, reading a LOT of books and vegetating until the school year began.
I woke this morning feeling like time has swept past me and I’ve not moved. Ever feel like that?
I have a problem you see, a very big problem. I live as I was trained to live. I wake up, I go to work, I work hard, I come home, I eat dinner, I go to bed.
Trained since birth!
Now, that’s not to say I don’t socialize. I go out to dinner, meet up with friends, all the fun things. I don’t do that as often as I probably should. You know, the balance thing and all. Balance? Yes, it’s a thing. I’m told it’s an important thing.
I find myself in a rut this first day of June. I just don’t make enough time for me. There, I said it. It’s out in the universe.
I need more me time.
Sounds simple, yes? No. It’s my age old struggle.
What to DO?
I declare today the first day that I purposefully spend a little more time on me. This month I will do more things that benefit me, my life, my future. Wow, that sounds incredibly selfish! How DARE I think such a thing? Another part of the training. Oh, that damn training to be content with nothing, to not over reach, to not dream of a better future, to not be selfish. I may need a detox of some kind…
I want to better serve the people around me. Friends. Strangers. I want to make a difference. I want to be someone who can make someone smile, even if they don’t realize it. I want to bring forth joy.
I don’t need pomp and circumstance. I just want to give back to this world of ours, and be a brighter spot, a positive spot, a good person.
I will work on me, body and soul. A healthier me is better for everyone.
I think it’s doable. I just need to start.
2,000 new Beauty Advisors are being processed today (I’m number 2,086 when last I saw the number.) I should be processed in the next few weeks, and rumor has it my kit will ship today or tomorrow.
Having stalked my bank account all morning, watched a movie, and partook in some quality time with the kitties, I decided I should leave the house and find something worthwhile to do. Like get a cup of tea, put gas in the car, pay a couple bills, write a blog post…When I got outside, something caught my eye. My mailbox was exploding with Happy Mail.
What is Happy Mail? Mail that makes you happy, of course! Today’s mail brought me a skirt I bought from a direct sales gal I know (it’s blue, and it’s fabulous,) new business cards, nail wraps, and a lovely gift from a fabulous friend. I couldn’t wait, I had to open it all IN MY CAR! I found the overflowing mailbox when I was leaving the house, so that kinda made sense.
All these envelopes of happiness made me smile really big, and it really did brighten my day. You could say, it made me happy!
Who doesn’t like new, shiny things that make them happy?
2016 goes down in the history books as being the most emotionally draining year ever! I am happy to wear a “Survivor” badge and be done with it!
Falling off the ladder was the easy part. Who woulda thunk it?
Brain injuries take time, and I have little patience. There are many things I now have to do differently. That’s ok. I can still do things!
The mother died in April. The emotional aftermath of that was (still is a bit) trying. Both my brother and I have suffered much anger. For a long time, I allowed myself to yell at her once a day. I do that a lot less often now.
My sweet niece went and had herself a baby a few weeks early in September. A little boy named Leo, who has the cutest little smile and giggle. My brother and sister-in-law are amazing grandparents, the kind we really didn’t have. Although our grandparents weren’t old when we born, they were. We as society are much younger at our age than they were at our age. Leo is the bright, shining light in a year of…2016. For everyone.
The father died after Thanksgiving. Another shock. I was sitting at home on Saturday evening when my brother called about 9:30. I had talked to him earlier that evening, so the horrible sense of dread washed over me. Apparently he died at dinner. Truth be told, he did love to eat. So that’s a good thing. He managed to hang around long enough to meet Leo. That’s a good thing too. His years of bad health are now behind him, and he and the mother can live in peace.
I didn’t get back to walking, and I took one yoga class. Now I feel like I didn’t get back to walking and took only one yoga class!
My direct sales business is still part-time. I go back and forth between low and high income producing months. I really am not consistent. Gotta work on that!
I saw 2017 in with a bang…actually, sound asleep. I feel asleep at 5:30pm New Years Eve, woke around 8pm, was asleep again by 10pm. It left as quietly as it came, and I let the door bang it on the ass on the way out.
Here’s to 2017! A bright, shiny new year full of promise, hope, love, and peace. I have great plans. I will become physically active again. I signed up for a 5K in March, so I’d better! I will grow my direct sales business. I will make new friends to invite to my cool Facebook group. I am doing the 6-Week Intentional Action Course, and while I’m behind a week, I’m still in. I will go to bed earlier and get up earlier so I can get more done in a day. I will lose some weight before my niece’s wedding. Yes, we get a wedding this year! I will blog consistently and figure out all the other social media stuff that baffles me. I will re-brand myself, relaunch my biz, and relaunch ME!
2017 will be amazing!
Friday morning, a reminder popped up on my phone first thing:
Yes, that was, and still is, my pet name for my mother. I said the “F” word and threw my phone down. Then I cried a little. I’m not really sure why I cried. Sadness at what was never there? Anger for what was? I’m not sure. I promptly put it out of my mind.
Saturday morning I got a message from my brother:
“First thing when grabbing my phone I check FB. 1st notification: Today is (insert mother’s name) birthday. Help her to celebrate it. 70 years old. Fuck.”
I laughed. I messaged him back that I got a reminder yesterday. Then I called him and told him I’d never heard him use that word before.
We laughed about how the reminders made us react. I guess that’s healthy? Are we healing? He said he always remembers hers and the father’s birthdays because they are double digits. Hers is 10-22. The father’s is 11-11. Then he realized that 11×2=22. We laughed some more. Then I said, “This takes their whole co-dependent thing to a new level!”
We then decided that we were going to file this and get on with our days. His daughter had just arrived with his new grandson, and he was going to go be the amazing grampa that he is. I relaxed, snuggled with the cats, and had a nice day as well.
We have now survived the first Mother’s Day and first birthday. We’re getting better at it I think. I try really hard not to let her have any of my glitter anymore.
PS, anyone know how to disable a FB profile that no one knows the login or password to?