Tag Archives: positive thinking

Hello April! 

New month. New business. New Opportunities. Spring is in full swing, unless you’re in Florida. If you’re in Florida, summer has begun! Mid-high 80’s this week. I am not mentally prepared for summer, but it’s here.

April is usually the time I change the color on my toes to something springier. When I take up walking…again. When I enjoy the long days and cool evenings. The cool evenings will be gone soon enough. New beginnings.

April it always a transition month for me. As a child, April often meant an Easter week trip to camp on a beach near Mendocino. Last April my mother passed away. One April, a thousand years ago, I walked out on an abusive relationship. See? Transition.

This April brings new adventures. 

I WILL begin walking again. It’s time. I have a brace for my ankle, and I may even have a couple pair of good socks.

I WILL give yoga another try.

I WILL begin my Willing Beauty adventure.

I WILL take better care of myself, and my skin.

That’s a whole lot of adventure kinda stuff I’ve thrown out into the universe!

– Penny

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A Numbers Obsession


The Willing Beauty pre-launch ended at 11:59pm CT last night. That means that anyone who signed up had the option to change their mind up until that point.

When I signed up, I was #2282. Over the last few days, I’ve watched that number drop a bit as people ahead of me said, “Ya, this sounded good at the time, but…”

Yesterday the numbers changed every few minutes! I started watching about 9am. I couldn’t help myself. I was fascinated.

By the deadline, I had dropped to #2086. That means since Sunday morning, 196 people ahead of me changed their mind – 95 of which was today. WOWZA!

I never had a second thought about joining. I never had the oh-crap-what-have-I-got-myself-into moment. I’m all in, and I’m excited.

In a few weeks I will have my product. I truly can’t wait to dig in and try it. Why? The affordability of the products plus the proprietary HG+5 Complex plus the fact that I have a BIG secret.

I have no skincare regimen!

What? More on that later. For now, yay me! Counting down the days…

Herman’s Return from Vacation

(If you’re new here, I first introduced Herman in Derailed on May 31. I talked about him again a few times, including in Yearly Doctor Visit on January 27, 2017.  Herman is the area of my head that began as a concussion, but I now know is a skull fracture. It’s fascinating to me how the brain and body works. Making him a person in my life has helped me cope with much better than when he was simply “the lump”.  Don’t fall of a ladder and you won’t have to worry about having a Herman in your life!)

Herman has been quiet for a while.  He behaved, he let me sleep at night (with my head on a pillow sometimes!) he didn’t bother me during the day, in fact, I kind of forgot about him…I figure he was on vacation.  Maybe a cruise, or a trip abroad.  Wherever he was, I was happy for the solitude…

…He’s back.  He’s back and he obviously doesn’t like what I’ve been up to!  Herman needs a new hobby. It began on Friday when things got really crazy and hectic at work.  I was working the register, ringing up people who had just finished their fabulous experience at our shop. The rest of the staff was working on helping them get packed up and re-configuring our space to accommodate a class of 18 people the next day.  It was a huge undertaking.

As luck would have it, I got too many questions from too many people, plus the phone began ringing and customers needed attention.  Suddenly, it was as if I was moving in slow motion.  Everything around me was moving at super speed and I was unable to do anything but observe.  I quickly realized that this was not good, and removed myself from the chaos.  I went back to the register, ignored the phone and focused on one customer at a time.

Within about twenty minutes, the store was cleared out, the area re-set, and Herman was bothering me.  The tingly sensation was back, and the dull throb began.  He’s been with me for four days now.  He doesn’t want me putting my head on a pillow, he’s a bit sore, and he’s reminding me to slow the heck down!

Herman really amazes me.  This fellow who lives in my head and reminds me to step back, slow down, and behave.  I had a hectic week last week, and he stepped in.  It’s a love/hate relationship I have with Herman.  Most of the time his timing stinks.  I have a lot on my plate right now and need to keep a pace. He loves me enough to make me slow down and not keep a pace.

Oh Herman.  Whatever will I do with you?

A Yummy Lunch!

I can’t help myself.  I love to take pictures of my food.  I love to write about my food.  Perhaps I missed my calling.  Perhaps I should be a food critic!

Today was all about what to do with the organic avocado that looked SOOOO tasty at the market this morning.  I had to have it!  I bought an organic potato to go with it.  My rationale?  An avocado MUST be healthier than butter and sour creme, right?  Then I knew I’d need a little more umph with my lunch, so I grabbed a can of Amy’s Organic Medium Chili.

(Note, I don’t always do organic, but I was at the healthy food market and that’s all they had!)

I cooked the potato in a handmade potato bag in the microwave.  Yes, you can make these, and they steam up a potato really well!  Mine has been used and abused, and is not very pretty, so no photo.

Next I mashed up the avocado with my potato.  Mmmm.  Then I topped it with half a can of chili and heated it up a bit more.  That was my lunch.  That and my water with lemon and I was a happy girl.  (By the way, the avocado was WAY better than butter and sour creme!)

For my birthday, one of my besties gave me a neat gizmo that holds my water.  The lid has two parts – one side is a juicer, and the other a sealing lid!  I grabbed a jug of alkaline water and an organic lemon, and had me some yummy water!   I need to up my water intake, so this will help a lot.

So there you have it.  One simple, tasty, delightful lunch.  Bon appetite!

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Happy Birthday!

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I had a birthday this past week.  51.  5-1.  I lived to tell the tale!  I had a very nice week, filled with friendship, excellent wine, fabulous food and celebrations.  I received some nice gifts too!  The best one might have been a home cooked meal.  Seriously.  A meal that I did not have to cook, complete with dessert!  mmmm…Happy birthday to me!

It’s a Bright, Shiny New Year!

2016 goes down in the history books as being the most emotionally draining year ever!  I am happy to wear a “Survivor” badge and be done with it!

Falling off the ladder was the easy part. Who woulda thunk it?

Brain injuries take time, and I have little patience.  There are many things I now have to do differently.  That’s ok.  I can still do things!

The mother died in April. The emotional aftermath of that was (still is a bit) trying.  Both my brother and I have suffered much anger.  For a long time, I allowed myself to yell at her once a day. I do that a lot less often now.

My sweet niece went and had herself a baby a few weeks early in September.  A little boy named Leo, who has the cutest little smile and giggle.  My brother and sister-in-law are amazing grandparents, the kind we really didn’t have.  Although our grandparents weren’t old when we born, they were.  We as society are much younger at our age than they were at our age.  Leo is the bright, shining light in a year of…2016.  For everyone.

The father died after Thanksgiving.  Another shock.  I was sitting at home on  Saturday evening when my brother called about 9:30.  I had talked to him earlier that evening, so the horrible sense of dread washed over me.  Apparently he died at dinner.  Truth be told, he did love to eat.  So that’s a good thing.  He managed to hang around long enough to meet Leo.  That’s a good thing too.  His years of bad health are now behind him, and he and the mother can live in peace.

I didn’t get back to walking, and I took one yoga class.  Now I feel like I didn’t get back to walking and took only one yoga class!

My direct sales business is still part-time.  I go back and forth between low and high income producing months.  I really am not consistent.  Gotta work on that!

I saw 2017 in with a bang…actually, sound asleep.  I feel asleep at 5:30pm New Years Eve, woke around 8pm, was asleep again by 10pm. It left as quietly as it came, and I let the door bang it on the ass on the way out.

Here’s to 2017!  A bright, shiny new year full of promise, hope, love, and peace.  I have great plans.  I will become physically active again.  I signed up for a 5K in March, so I’d better!  I will grow my direct sales business.  I will make new friends to invite to my cool Facebook group.  I am doing the 6-Week Intentional Action Course, and while I’m behind a week, I’m still in.  I will go to bed earlier and get up earlier so I can get more done in a day.  I will lose some weight before my niece’s wedding.  Yes, we get a wedding this year!  I will blog consistently and figure out all the other social media stuff that baffles me.  I will re-brand myself, relaunch my biz, and relaunch ME!

2017 will be amazing!

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Happy Birthday

Friday morning, a reminder popped up on my phone first thing:

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Yes, that was, and still is, my pet name for my mother.  I said the “F” word and threw my phone down.  Then I cried a little.  I’m not really sure why I cried.  Sadness at what was never there?  Anger for what was?  I’m not sure.  I promptly put it out of my mind.

Saturday morning I got a message from my brother:

“First thing when grabbing my phone I check FB. 1st notification: Today is (insert mother’s name) birthday.  Help her to celebrate it.  70 years old.  Fuck.”

I laughed.  I messaged him back that I got a reminder yesterday.  Then I called him and told him I’d never heard him use that word before.

We laughed about how the reminders made us react.  I guess that’s healthy?  Are we healing?  He said he always remembers hers and the father’s birthdays because they are double digits.  Hers is 10-22.  The father’s is 11-11.  Then he realized that 11×2=22.  We laughed some more.  Then I said, “This takes their whole co-dependent thing to a new level!”

We then decided that we were going to file this and get on with our days.  His daughter had just arrived with his new grandson, and he was going to go be the amazing grampa that he is.  I relaxed, snuggled with the cats, and had a nice day as well.

We have now survived the first Mother’s Day and first birthday.  We’re getting better at it I think. I try really hard not to let her have any of my glitter anymore.

PS, anyone know how to disable a FB profile that no one knows the login or password to?

Dusk

Dusk.  That special time of day when the sun is not up and not down.  When the sky and the horizon are almost the same color.  When it’s darn hard to see when you have a double astigmatism 😀

Last week Hurricane Matthew visited the east coast of Florida before taking a toll in Georgia, South Caroline, and North Caroline.  This photo was taken that Thursday evening, when we had some clouds and a bit of rain and wind on the west coast of Florida. 

It was dusk, it has been raining, and through the pink clouds there was a rainbow.  Since I can not pass up a good cloud or rainbow photo, especially at dusk or sunset, I snapped a pic.

Thank you Hurricane Matthew for not bringing harm to any of my friends.  I know a few people in the Carolinas who will be dealing with loss of power and flooding for a while, but homes, pets and persons are safe.

 

Hello October!

I’ve been gone a while. I had to get things back on track. It’s been a strange year. The update:

Don’t fall off a ladder. Just don’t. Doing so can change your life in ways you never imagined. October 11 will be exactly nine months since the incident. The cat is still alive, well, and continues to challenge me when she’s not being loving and adorable. I still can not get on a ladder. I have tried. I simply can’t. That’s ok. The broken ladder and shelves remain in my garage. They remind me of how fleeting life can be. Of how incredibly fortunate I am that I was able to get up from the floor that horrible day. 

Head trauma is no joking matter. Post Concussion Syndrom kinda sucks. The good news is, I am alive and it could be soooo much worse. 

I have more days now where the wires are handling life in a proper fashion than not. Some days, the wires are crossed and I am oddly emotional, forgetful, I can’t spit out words that I want to say, I become fatigued, and the lump on my head becomes…active.  

Active? It reminds me when I’m too tired, rundown, I lift something too heavy, and overdo it. I don’t even know how to describe it, except it tingles a bit and I get a headache. A different headache from the migraines or sinus headaches I get. I’ve named the lump Herman. When I have a bad day, I explain that Herman is letting me know he’s still there and I need to slow down. Sometimes I tell him to back off. Thank you Herman. 

Not Your Father’s Rootbeer. I discovered this around April/May. I now keep bottles at my bestie’s house for when I go over and hang out. Word of warning – two is plenty! Three may prevent you from getting out of the pool…or driving…or walking…or staying awake. The ginger ale is ok. The cream soda is just as good as the rootbeer. Yes, they contain alcohol. 

My mother has been gone since April. I’m still rather angry with her. Such a complicated relationship. The grieving process is not to be taken lightly. I don’t cry and yell at her everyday like I did the first few months. It’s less often. Grief sneaks up on me, when I least expect it. Then I get mad. Then I tell her to get out of my head. 

I still can not find a happy childhood memory that includes her. Everuthing is clouded in manipulations and questions. I hope that clears one day. I have many happy memories that involve my grandmother and others. In the last year I learned so much about her motives, her lies, how she manipulated us in so many ways…it’s been difficult. I’m not sure there is forgiveness for all that she did. Someday I may write about all that. For now, I try to tuck it away. It’s not healthy to dwell. 

I know a gal who lost her father yesterday. I told her that it doesn’t really get easier, it just gets a little less heavy as time goes by. That’s my best advice. That’s all I’ve got. 

I’ve become Penny the Great. My niece had a baby. I reject the great aunt thing. This is a good compromise, suggested by a dear friend. As one life came to an end, a new generation was developing. His name is Leo. He has a whole, brilliant, wonderful world of opportunities and experiences awaiting him. He has an amazing family to surround him with love and kindness. He will be brilliant. He already is. 

I now try to focus on the positive. I started this in earnest after the mother died. It’s so easy to get bogged down in the stuff spinning around in our heads. I have begun brain training. Huh? Check out Dana Wilder.  A friend introduced me to her site in March. It’s helped me in so many ways. 

Positive affirmations, being conscious of what I project and what I allow in these days. That’s not to say there are not pity parties and rants. I just try to do those quietly and in solitude. I allow only so much time for them, then I move on. I feel calmer these days. 

I’m still 50. I don’t look it! I don’t act like the parents or grandparents did at 50. None of my friends do either. We like it that way!

I signed up for a 5K. It’s in March. I’ve been out of commission so long, I need to start over. I plan to walk it. If I can do so in less than an hour, I will be thrilled. Training begins soon. That’s kind of scary because my ankle is so unpredictable. Cross your fingers!

So, hello October. I’m not sure how we got here so fast, but I think I’m ready for you.